Image by wallyg from Everystockphoto


Bears are interesting creatures. In the gay world, they are bigger and stockier guys typically with a lot of body hair. There are even dating websites and mobile apps for bears and the guys that like them to find each other.

I was on my way to becoming a bear. The purpose of this post is not to describe this community, but to highlight an issue that I have noticed recently.

When I was bigger, I often thought of resigning myself to the idea of finding a guy that liked bigger guys. These guys are labeled chasers. This mindset still exists within me. I still see myself as a bigger guy in need of a chaser. Suppose I still have a bit of a distorted body image.

In recent months, I’ve started including bits about my weight loss in my online profiles. Almost every day I get comments from bears wanting to know how I did it. While I am happy to share my story, part of me wonders what is going on through their lives. Are they like me? Wanting to lose weight, but resigning themselves to hoping to find someone likes them as a bigger guy?

Back in my undergraduate years, one lesson that stuck with me was learned helplessness. A condition where we give up and accept our current circumstances even if a way out has presented itself. Is this what people are feeling? Change is always possible, and we should strive to be happy with what we have in life. However, we should keep moving toward health.

Just some random thoughts.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Bears

  1. Jody

    I think a lot of them are like you. In some ways I have been there. However, I also think most people want that magic pill that they can pop and not have to put in all the hard work to get healthy.

    • Sadly, no magic pill. Burn more than you eat. For me and most people, that’ll do the trick. But it has to be a lifestyle change. Not just for a week/month.

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