The plan was to go kayaking at the town lake near work. That’s not going to work today, unfortunately. As it turns out, there is a salsa festival at the lake that is apparently expect to bring in 20,000 people. I’m not going to be able to get near that place today. There’s always to tomorrow.
So, what do I do today? I’m going to do some landscaping work. Each week, I get 10 bags of rock to cover some of the dirt in my back yard. It’s coming along, but I have some work to do. After that, I’ve been considering giving zumba a try. Lets be honest…I cannot dance for the life of me. I have no idea of my hips at all. People have tried with great effort and failed miserably. So, maybe this will help loosen me up a bit?
I’m starting to set my eyes on running again, but I’m wondering if there are any distance runs (1/2 marathons) in the local area this summer. It’s very hot here and as much I would like to travel to run, the pups kind of put a lid of those ideas. I need to find something local.
In other news, I got the final answer about the PhD program from the Registrar. I would certainly be considered an out of state student at this point. Unfortunately, that is the end of my time at ODU. On to different and better things? Perhaps I will look into new academic pursuits…
Yesterday was my day off from the gym. It felt so good to be able to come home early and wrestle around with the pups. Still felt guilty for not going to the gym, but this is the deal that I’ve made with myself (one day of the work week is off).
This weekend, I have a work engagement on Saturday morning. Since I work close to the town lake, I am considering going kayaking for a few hours. This will be my first time in that type of boat. Should be fun 🙂
Starting to struggle a bit with the diet again. It is just too easy to cheat at times. I need to get back to that place where that initial hunger was a good thing because it meant that my body would use itself for energy. I just need to remind myself of that.
I think I’ll do a task that Jillian mentioned during her talk. Set an alarm on your phone for every hour of the waking day. When that alarm goes off, ask myself if I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing to achieve my goals. That should be helpful.
So, maybe the PhD won’t be happening after all. Since I’ve been gone for over a year, I need to reapply. Normally not a problem. When I go to reapply, it informs me that I need to redo my residency. Out of state tuition is not an option.
There goes that idea!
Handling it pretty well. Just going to the gym in a few hours to burn off some calories and frustrations.
Totes is a case of the Mondays. I have no idea why I am so absent minded on some days.
I was all packed and ready to go. Was happy to hit the gym today to try new levels of weights. As I pick up my gym bag to take it to work, I realize that it contains my shoes…and nothing else. So, it looks like tonight’s exercise will be a four mile run less I want to go to the gym in my birthday suit. So…the run it is!
This weekend was much needed! I essentially turned myself off and just let myself live for the weekend. The diet was strayed from, but somewhat intentionally. Please never forget to give yourself some mental, physical, and spiritual health days once and a while. You will thank yourself later on for them! Even managed to get some chores done around the house. Started laying some rock in be back yard. Doesn’t look too bad at all, but a long ways to go. Connor even had his first vet visit and we were in and out in 20 minutes. He’s all vaccinated. My pointe this weekend was to spend time with the pups. I think they really liked having me home all day. Last night was the first night that Connor slept through the whole night. Good boy.
I’ve been looking ahead toward summer and trying to plan some of my runs and what not. Phoenix time in the summer is generally not good for long distance runs. 5ks are pretty common in the mornings, so I’ll make the most of them as they come up.
I’m really, really, really starting to get the distance running bug again. Dunno if it’ll happen this winter or not, but we shall see!
Not too much to report today. Shake for breakfast. Subway salad with egg white and avocado (no dressing/cheese) for lunch, and a Guiltless Chicken Sandwhich with a side salad for dinner with a cup of enchilada soup. Had some Guac w/ chips for an appetizer, but I’m okay with that.
Exercise tonight was just a few miles of walking after dinner. A bit of an off night, but tonight was a date night (hence the Chili’s). We had planned to go paddleboating, but it was closed. So, we walked around. Good conversation. Good times. More in the future? Certainly open, but I’m not going to go all boy crazy anymore. Just going to do my own thing and let the cards fall where they may.
Turns out my back is starting to become sore from training yesterday. He said that’s what he was trying to work, and by golly, he sure did!
“I don’t hate my trainer.” Said no one ever.
An all around solid day for the diet. Still under my calorie limit for the day. Two shakes, two 100 calorie bags of pop chips. One Pasta diet meal. Some carrots and hummus. All in all, not bad.
Training was a little brutal today. Scott, my trainer had me work the arms today. The first bits were not bad at all. It was the last 20 minutes that did me in. He brought out this really heavy rope and looped it around a rail so that I could hold both ends. Then, I took turns shaking the rope and doing sit ups with a weighted ball. That part wasn’t the worst. The worse was doing 20 seconds on and 10 seconds off rope drills. I was totally exhausted at the end. I wonder how I will feel tomorrow….
Weight from this morning was 207.
Today was a day for the struggle-bus.
The day started out okay with a work meeting. It was one of my mentor’s last day at work before taking a new position. I’m going to miss her so much. She was a real advocate for us here at work. Now, we’re kind of on our own. She had a little bit of a celebration at the meeting. Since it was her last day, there was cake. I had a piece of cake, but quickly logged it into MFP. I figured I would work it off at the gym later that day.
In the second half of the day, I started a conversation with a friend where I quickly became a target of some rather harsh criticism. Some of it was valid. Some of it was certainly not. So, this guy thinks I’m a horrible friend for prioritizing friends and never going much in depth with details during conversations. Both of these are true. I do prioritize some friends above others. If they happen to be busy and I’m still wanting to go do something, I will go on and ask other people in my network. It’s not intentionally mean, but it is how I operate. It isn’t that I don’t want to spend time with others in my network, it is just that I tend to cultivate the plants that are providing me with the most in my life. I’m not sure if I need or want to change that.
He did have a major point in that sometimes I tend to be uninterested in the details of conversations and flutter from topic to topic. Part of this is my own social awkwardness and part of it is just not thinking there was anything more to say. If you tell me you’ve graded papers all day, I know what that’s like and I don’t think more details need to be specifically said. I can see where this is an area for improvement for some. Just because I don’t think there’s anything else there does not mean that the person I’m with is thinking in a similar fashion.
The oddest thing is that I actually do really know how to listen to people. Better than most people, I would think. I just have to turn it on and I often don’t because I tend to go into counselor mode when that happens and I want to stay away from that.
Beyond that, there were several misunderstandings on my motives which lead to sarcasm and anger. I put the ball in his court to continue any form of friendship and he appears uninterested in continuing. Needless to say, that conversation brought me to tears. Losing a friend is never easy. Instead of the gym, I went home to get some of my life in order. I cleaned and had dinner (within the diet) and took the dogs on separate walks. They behaved splendidly. Josh offered me some of his hummus, and I had a bit with some carrots. Pretty tasty. Still under my calorie limit for the day and I’m happy.
I did weigh myself this morning. Back down to 208. On the right track.
Days like this really help cement my decision for my plans to relocate once I earn my doctorate.
As promised, here’s today’s entry.
The diet was okay. A shake for breakfast and lunch. For dinner, Tim, Nelson, and I went out to Chili’s. I chose the light chicken sandwich. Instead of broccoli, I subbed in for a side salad. Since I abhor broccoli, this was a decent choice. For one of my two snacks for my daily allotment, I ordered a cup of chicken enchilada soup. Everything logged into MFP adequately. I got home and had a 100 calorie bag of popcorn after my run.
Exercise: I made a bonehead move and forgot my gym shorts at home. So, I decided to work out from home and attempt to best my previous mile best. I did it! The previous time was 7:53. The new time.
I still think I could do it faster. Towards the end of the run, there were no lights on the road and I was running in this unpaved and bushy lot. I slowed down a bit so that I wouldn’t trip and injure myself. It sure did feel good to see that time though. Even though I haven’t been actively working on my running, I am still moving forward. Now, I’m having trouble trying to catch my breath. Still very short after that run. Still a little congested and sick, too.
Emotions: I was feeling okay for the most part today. Toward the end of the day, my hunger and caffeine withdrawal started to kick in. Thankfully, dinner remedied both. I remember welcoming the hunger because it meant that my body was going to use itself for energy. Thinking I need to get back to that point.
When I was with Nelson and Tim, they decided to make a trip to this handmade ice cream sandwich shop. I went, but did not order. They smelled delicious though. But, I had my eye on a bigger treat for today.
And I thought today was going to be just another day…
Nelson invited me out to brunch with Paul and Joel to start the day off. Nothing too out of the ordinary. I intended to make it a light meal and just go about my day from there. The plan was to stop off at Home Depot and get some rock for my house to start a new landscaping project. Sadly, this never happened. That’s what next weekend is for!
During brunch, Nelson asks if I want to go with him to see Jillian Michaels later that day. While I, of course, wanted to go, I’ve developed a bit of an antisocial condition where I hate leaving the pups at home when I could have otherwise been home to spend time with them. After a bit of persuasion, he convinced me to go see Jillian. After all, it was a free chance to see someone who has inspired me. At this point in my journey, I found that I was certainly lacking inspiration. I am/was half-heartedly going through the motions without much of a drive. While the blogging has kept up, it hasn’t been much about the weight loss in the past few weeks.
After doing some shopping for a new outfit (I’ve since decided that the preppy look just isn’t for me. The clothes look nice enough, but it just doesn’t match my self concept. This isn’t a bad thing! It just means that I prefer a different style of clothes. I see myself more comfortable wearing things that you would wear on the beach instead of always looking a tad on the sophisticated side. I guess I don’t mind a little sloppy in my life?
We arrived at the theatre and took our seats. Not to our surprise, there were many people from the LGBT community in attendance. I felt right at home.
Jillian took the stage and it was a little surreal. She is exactly as I thought she would be in a live setting. A little abrasive, but able to tell it like it is. Her message was a three pronged approach to getting the most out of your goals and life. While the first two were fitness related, they could certainly be applied towards satisfaction in life in general. The first was about nutrition and weight loss. In short, she commented on something I’ve known for a long time. Calories in vs calories out. I still believe it really is that simple. She went on to discuss metabolic rate calculations and even food preferences (going for fruit with rinds or peels because they wont absorb as many pesticides). While discussing all of this, she would often bring up examples of people who had plateaued and they often did the same things that I did/ am doing. They stopped counting. They let things slide and just wondered why things weren’t working.
Her next part of the presentation was very brief and it talked about exercise. She favored fully body natural movements over that of a machine. Additionally, she accented the importance of heart rate and HIIT training. Still nice to see a refresher, but I think I’m doing okay in the exercise department for the most part. I actually don’t agree with her stance on machine workouts for target muscles. Yes, fully body movements are great and exercises are great, but muscles can certainly be targeted and developed.
The last part of her presentation was the one that hit home for me. It was almost straight out of a counselor’s handbook. Looking at our obstacles and even learning to get out of our own way for success. To stop comparing myself to others and to just go for my dreams….my happiness. So often, we stop because we don’t think we deserve it. But…we do. We really do deserve it. We tell ourselves these negative things about ourselves, but we always forget all of these amazing accomplishments to focus on these small setbacks. One quote really hit the nail on the head for me.
“If you don’t fail, you’re not trying hard enough.”
I’ve been so afraid of failing. Afraid of really just going for it and becoming who I know I can be. It’s time for me to take some charge of my life and really go for the things that I want in life.
I am good enough and I will do this.
So help the person, myself included, that tries to get in my way. This is my life and I’m not going to waste a second more of it wondering if I am good enough. Damn it, I am!
While no “new” knowledge was gained, I did leave feeling motivated. And…that’s just what I needed to re-ignite my fire.
So here’s the action plan.
Long Term Weight Loss Goal: 175 Pounds
Deadline: September 1st
Monthly Goals: May 15th- Return to Sub 200 pounds (currently residing at 211).
June 15th- 190
July 15th- 180
September 1st- 175.
Return to Old Diet: Two Slim Fast (or Slim Fast Alternative-store brand) shakes (breakfast and lunch). Lean Cuisine for dinner. Two 100-200 calorie snacks.
5 days of exercise per week for at least one hour(one day off during the work week and one day off during the weekend).
Log All Food Intake, even if it is repetitive, into myfitnesspal.
One Blog Entry Per Day: Detail food, exercise, life, and emotions.
Why? Because I want to see myself happier. I want to show myself that I am worth it. I want to prove that even though I’ve already lost a lot, I can still keep it up after the bumps in the road.
Last nights run was something that was pretty neat.
When I first go there, there were only about 30 other people milling about. The DJ was desperately trying to get people involved and pumped up, but it is very hard to do with so few people. Just play your music, DJ, people will come when it is time…
I stationed myself by the pagoda to wait for Kim to show up with her group. I sat there for over an hour and just people watched. Some people were just so….colorful. There was even a person dressed up as a light bulb. Odd, but whatever works. When listening to the passers by, I noticed that several people were not here to run, but were going to walk the course. It made sense as several of those outfits are not conducive to running.
With about 15 minutes before the race was to start, Kim had not arrived. So, I lit up my glow sticks and put my phone in my arm band to time my race.
I found my place quite a bit behind the start line and just waited. Some of my glow sticks weren’t glowing so I tossed them out. While I was waiting, I heard my name get called from nearby. Kim had arrived! She introduced me to her friends (her one friend…wowza!) and we took a picture of us just as they were about to begin.
They departed to walk the course and I was on my own to do my running. Still waiting for that day when I find a runner buddy to do these events with! I’m taking applications….seriously! The crowd thinned out fairly quickly. It soon turned into only occasionally seeing a handful of people…often the same people. Every so often, someone would sprint by me. I thought that I was going slow, but I knew that I was pushing myself a bit. As always, the race is usually with yourself. I often need to remind myself that I am the only one that I need to race against.
I noticed this one kid (very young) when I first arrived. He was running with his father, but they separated once the run started. This kid was super fast! I found myself wishing I could run that fast. But, he always had to stop and walk a bit after the half-way point. Slowly, but surely, he fell off behind me. I wonder if he was doing the whole walk-run method of running. It is supposed to improve your overall time, but I wonder if it is really effective. Anyone have some experience with that?
As I approached the finish line, there was a runner beside me who offered some brief words of encouragement. I love this about the running community. It is about yourself, but they are some of the most supportive people in the world! As per my typical fashion, I sprinted to the finish. I don’t know what happens during that last 30 seconds or so. But, all the fatigue just goes away and you have this sense of unlimited energy to just go for it. I want to be able to harness that for the earlier part of the run.
I checked the clock as I was passing through. 26:55. The thing was is that I didn’t start until about 30 seconds into the race due to the line. Could it be a new record? I can’t tell for sure. As I was walking and catching my breath for about a minute, I remembered that I left my timer on for my phone. I quickly turn it off.
I didn’t wait around after it was done for the party. My energy was gone, and so was I. I walked back to the car and took one last picture.
I love glow sticks!