Posts Tagged With: fitness

Figuring it out

I’m slowly figuring this all out.

Yes, weight loss and fitness is about wants…and needs. But most of all, it is about balance.

Weight loss worked for me because I was isolated and had time to adjust to the new lifestyle. I remember reading in high school that it takes three weeks of repeating something for it to become habitual. I have myself that time and it worked out for me. I was able to keep it up past that because it was the new normal.

Now that I am nearing where I want to be, the weight just doesn’t come off as easy. This is partly motivation and partly nature. The same diet doesn’t produce the same results as when I was 360. So the primary issue for me is the motivation.

I’ve been stuck in the 200-210 area for the past month or so. I can tend to do really well during the week but then usually blow it all during the weekends. The sugar cookie massacre of this past weekend is a prime example. This is good and bad news for me.

The good news is that I know that I can still enjoy things without returning to a higher weight. I can’t go completely off the wagon, but I know that a few bad days here or there is not the end and I can control my weight fairly easily once I know what is happening

The bad news is that I’m not going anywhere while doing this. Yes, balance is good and is what we all need to learn, but that type of balance isn’t getting the results. I need more control to reach my goals.

Short term goal: Behave over the weekend with your diet.

Follow the plan: two shakes and a Lean Cuisine dinner. Allow two 100 calorie snacks.

I think some of this is about to get a little bit easier. My roommate is moving out next week. Removing temptation(most of the food in the house) will be good for me…even though I’ll miss the company!

Have a hiking outing tomorrow for my vacation day off of work. I may even go to the gym afterwards! 

Did the gym last night, too. 30 minutes of lifting and 30 minutes of cardio. For the lifting, I did the fly machine, rowing, lat pull, ab twist, and bicep curl. I put the weight up to 110 and after 3 sets of 10, dropped the weight by half and did another set of 10. Finally. I put the machine on the lowest setting and just repeated until I was spent. I wanted to go for the pull up bar, but there were people doing stretches right by it and I felt as if I would be intruding on their space.

I think I’m slowly figuring this whole gym thing out. Now if only I could figure myself out a bit, I would be golden!

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Wow, just got my notification that my blog is one year old. 

Happy Anniversary, Blog! You’ve gotten me through some tough times in my weight loss journey!



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Well that was special

Decided to make my workout 10 instead of 20 with intervals of one.

Wow, I am sweaty. I didn’t think it would be that taxing. The burpees were the worst! In some ways, it was pretty high impact. The whole bit didn’t take that long, but my heart certainly got to pumpin!

Goal for tomorrow: don’t forget phone and go to the gym!

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Tonight’s Workout

Deciding to do something fun for tonight’s workout.

I’m going to take some of the advice from jsresults’ blog and do a layered workout involving the following.

20 Burpees

20 butterfly sit ups

20 push ups

20 jumping jacks


After that set, I will repeat it, but decrease the amount by 2.

This should be fun. Hope it gets me sore.

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WTB Sleep!

Howdy interwebs!
Weekend was a bit if a blur, so I’ll try and make some sense of it this morning.

First things first: left the phone at home this morning. Feeling awkward without part of me is missing. Also a little panicked that if an emergency happens, I’m a bit screwed. My phone is also my wallet. Wallet has gym ID. Looks like tonight is a good night for Zumba or a run. I’m thinking Zumba because I still need to work on moving these hips. They’re in there somewhere!

Friday night:
My buddy Kim and I decided to tag along with Nelson to First Fridays. It’s kind of a huge art show each month in Phoenix. I was going to purchase something, but nothing truly looked “hand crafted.” I hate being ripped off. After walking around for a bit, we decide to head to a local gay bar.

I’d been to this one before, and it was as busy as always. Side note, it is odd seeing youtube video owners who you have followed for years in person. Almost like seeing a mini celebrity. Anywho…this one guy walks past me and I he was tall, older, and not really my type. A few moments later, this woman approaches me and said that guy was checking me out. She then reaches into her woven basket and proceeds to give me a rock with the word “truth” written on it with a link to a web page. She was trying to spread kindness. She then mentions that the guy that walked by was her friend and he had said that I was completely his type. So, I agree to meet him and it turns out they belong to a church and this rock was her final project. Only a little creepy, but a little sweet. He asks for my number, and I’m trying to make some new buddies, so I give it to him. Turns out he has a daughter, too. Interesting things happen at bars.

A few pictures from the night.



We head over to another bar and just hang out for a bit. I still wish I could dance/didn’t care what other people thought of me. Before the weight loss, I used to do everything possible to ensure that I would not draw attention to myself. Some of that still exists.

Actually had a date on Saturday. We met up to go see the Evil Dead. I LOVE horror movies, but still watch them from behind my hands. We meet up and the conversation is nice enough. It was still a bit early, so we walk around the mall a bit. This one store was a LoveSac store. Oh my! Those things were super comfy! I’m seriously considering getting one for my home. While sitting and chatting with the store clerk, she asks if we are on a date. Am I that obvious? Lol. The date responds that it is a date, so I suppose that’s positive points for me.

After the movie we head to Fez for lunch. The conversation went well enough. Just used those counseling listening skills to good use. He did comment that he felt like he did a lot of the talking though. I need to assert myself more then.

Later that night, I go out for Karaoke with another group of friends. The usual karaoke bar isn’t doing karaoke that night, so we switch to another that is. I still don’t sing on the mic, but it’s fun to sing along with everyone else.

Took Leo to the groomer. He had an 830 appointment and I didn’t get him back until 230. Very sad. He looks so cute now, tho. Saw Iron Man 3 with a buddy and then went home.


All in all, not the best weekend for the diet and weight loss, but a good weekend for me and enjoying life. It certainly bears staying in and playing video games.

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Letting it ride

Yesterday was another good day for the diet.

I almost feel like I’m starting this whole weight loss process over again. When doing calorie restriction, you get hungry…quickly. It takes a few weeks for your body and mind to get used to the lesser amount of food. The hunger really never goes away. Instead, you learn to view it differently. I know my body is using itself for fuel.

Instead of the hunger pangs, it begins to feel more like a fire. I use that feeling to motivate me. I know this sounds strange, but I kind of liken it to the Chronicles of Riddick. The Necromongers, in their transition to become themselves, eventually got to the point where they embraced the pain of the transition.

Today is a trial day for me. The Math department is having a dessert competition. Here is my entry:


A fruit pizza. Not the most healthy thing, but I’ve managed to resist it so far. I think I’m going to drop it off and get myself away from the area. No sweets for me today.

Today is also the last day of this trial cohort for this program that my committee has put together at work. We are celebrating at Chili’s. Again, I’ll have to avoid temptation. I’ll get a diet soda and enjoy my time with the coworkers. I have my dinner at home that will do me better than anything there. And…there’s always the gym after work!

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So, maybe the PhD won’t be happening after all. Since I’ve been gone for over a year, I need to reapply. Normally not a problem. When I go to reapply, it informs me that I need to redo my residency. Out of state tuition is not an option.

There goes that idea!

Handling it pretty well. Just going to the gym in a few hours to burn off some calories and frustrations.

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“I don’t hate my trainer.”

“I don’t hate my trainer.” Said no one ever.

An all around solid day for the diet. Still under my calorie limit for the day. Two shakes, two 100 calorie bags of pop chips. One Pasta diet meal. Some carrots and hummus. All in all, not bad.

Training was a little brutal today. Scott, my trainer had me work the arms today. The first bits were not bad at all. It was the last 20 minutes that did me in. He brought out this really heavy rope and looped it around a rail so that I could hold both ends. Then, I took turns shaking the rope and doing sit ups with a weighted ball. That part wasn’t the worst. The worse was doing 20 seconds on and 10 seconds off rope drills. I was totally exhausted at the end. I wonder how I will feel tomorrow….

Weight from this morning was 207.

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Today was a day for the struggle-bus.

The day started out okay with a work meeting. It was one of my mentor’s last day at work before taking a new position. I’m going to miss her so much. She was a real advocate for us here at work. Now, we’re kind of on our own. She had a little bit of a celebration at the meeting. Since it was her last day, there was cake. I had a piece of cake, but quickly logged it into MFP. I figured I would work it off at the gym later that day.

In the second half of the day, I started a conversation with a friend where I quickly became a target of some rather harsh criticism. Some of it was valid. Some of it was certainly not. So, this guy thinks I’m a horrible friend for prioritizing friends and never going much in depth with details during conversations. Both of these are true. I do prioritize some friends above others. If they happen to be busy and I’m still wanting to go do something, I will go on and ask other people in my network. It’s not intentionally mean, but it is how I operate. It isn’t that I don’t want to spend time with others in my network, it is just that I tend to cultivate the plants that are providing me with the most in my life. I’m not sure if I need or want to change that.

He did have a major point in that sometimes I tend to be uninterested in the details of conversations and flutter from topic to topic. Part of this is my own social awkwardness and part of it is just not thinking there was anything more to say. If you tell me you’ve graded papers all day, I know what that’s like and I don’t think more details need to be specifically said. I can see where this is an area for improvement for some. Just because I don’t think there’s anything else there does not mean that the person I’m with is thinking in a similar fashion.

The oddest thing is that I actually do really know how to listen to people. Better than most people, I would think. I just have to turn it on and I often don’t because I tend to go into counselor mode when that happens and I want to stay away from that.

Beyond that, there were several misunderstandings on my motives which lead to sarcasm and anger. I put the ball in his court to continue any form of friendship and he appears uninterested in continuing. Needless to say, that conversation brought me to tears. Losing a friend is never easy. Instead of the gym, I went home to get some of my life in order. I cleaned and had dinner (within the diet) and took the dogs on separate walks. They behaved splendidly. Josh offered me some of his hummus, and I had a bit with some carrots. Pretty tasty. Still under my calorie limit for the day and I’m happy.

I did weigh myself this morning. Back down to 208. On the right track.

Days like this really help cement my decision for my plans to relocate once I earn my doctorate.

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My Day With Jillian

And I thought today was going to be just another day…

Nelson invited me out to brunch with Paul and Joel to start the day off. Nothing too out of the ordinary. I intended to make it a light meal and just go about my day from there. The plan was to stop off at Home Depot and get some rock for my house to start a new landscaping project. Sadly, this never happened. That’s what next weekend is for!

During brunch, Nelson asks if I want to go with him to see Jillian Michaels later that day. While I, of course, wanted to go, I’ve developed a bit of an antisocial condition where I hate leaving the pups at home when I could have otherwise been home to spend time with them. After a bit of persuasion, he convinced me to go see Jillian. After all, it was a free chance to see someone who has inspired me. At this point in my journey, I found that I was certainly lacking inspiration. I am/was half-heartedly going through the motions without much of a drive. While the blogging has kept up, it hasn’t been much about the weight loss in the past few weeks.

After doing some shopping for a new outfit (I’ve since decided that the preppy look just isn’t for me.  The clothes look nice enough, but it just doesn’t match my self concept. This isn’t a bad thing! It just means that I prefer a different style of clothes. I see myself more comfortable wearing things that you would wear on the beach instead of always looking a tad on the sophisticated side. I guess I don’t mind a little sloppy in my life?

We arrived at the theatre and took our seats. Not to our surprise, there were many people from the LGBT community in attendance. I felt right at home.

Jillian took the stage and it was a little surreal. She is exactly as I thought she would be in a live setting. A little abrasive, but able to tell it like it is. Her message was a three pronged approach to getting the most out of your goals and life. While the first two were fitness related, they could certainly be applied towards satisfaction in life in general. The first was about nutrition and weight loss. In short, she commented on something I’ve known for a long time. Calories in vs calories out. I still believe it really is that simple. She went on to discuss metabolic rate calculations and even food preferences (going for fruit with rinds or peels because they wont absorb as many pesticides). While discussing all of this, she would often bring up examples of people who had plateaued and they often did the same things that I did/ am doing. They stopped counting. They let things slide and just wondered why things weren’t working.

Her next part of the presentation was very brief and it talked about exercise. She favored fully body natural movements over that of a machine. Additionally, she accented the importance of heart rate and HIIT training.  Still nice to see  a refresher, but I think I’m doing okay in the exercise department for the most part. I actually don’t agree with her stance on machine workouts for target muscles. Yes, fully body movements are great and exercises are great, but muscles can certainly be targeted and developed.

The last part of her presentation was the one that hit home for me. It was almost straight out of a counselor’s handbook. Looking at our obstacles and even learning to get out of our own way for success. To stop comparing myself to others and to just go for my dreams….my happiness. So often, we stop because we don’t think we deserve it. But…we do. We really do deserve it. We tell ourselves these negative things about ourselves, but we always forget all of these amazing accomplishments to focus on these small setbacks. One quote really hit the nail on the head for me.

“If you don’t fail, you’re not trying hard enough.”

I’ve been so afraid of failing. Afraid of really just going for it and becoming who I know I can be. It’s time for me to take some charge of my life and really go for the things that I want in life.

I am good enough and I will do this.

So help the person, myself included, that tries to get in my way. This is my life and I’m not going to waste a second more of it wondering if I am good enough. Damn it, I am!

While no “new” knowledge was gained, I did leave feeling motivated. And…that’s just what I needed to re-ignite my fire.

So here’s the action plan.

Long Term Weight Loss Goal: 175 Pounds

Deadline: September 1st

Monthly Goals: May 15th- Return to Sub 200 pounds (currently residing at 211).

June 15th- 190

July 15th- 180

September 1st- 175.

Action Plan:

Return to Old Diet: Two Slim Fast (or Slim Fast Alternative-store brand) shakes (breakfast and lunch). Lean Cuisine for dinner. Two 100-200 calorie snacks.

5 days of exercise per week for at least one hour(one day off during the work week and one day off during the weekend).

Log All Food Intake, even if it is repetitive, into myfitnesspal.

One Blog Entry Per Day: Detail food, exercise, life, and emotions.

Why? Because I want to see myself happier. I want to show myself that I am worth it. I want to prove that even though I’ve already lost a lot, I can still keep it up after the bumps in the road.





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